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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30007644">The Fool and The Lover</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk'>ScorpioInk</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bi-Curiosity, Drunken Kissing, F/F, First Dates, First Time, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Oral Sex, Vaginal Fingering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:46:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30007644</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Panam Palmer was straight, she was positive, well...like 95% sure. That was until V showed up, and turned her life on its head. V was taken by the nomad, the beautiful wild woman who had charmed her instantly. </p><p>A short story of two women finding themselves while they find each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female V/Panam Palmer, Panam Palmer/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>190</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Everything I've Never Tried, I Want to Try it With You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This chapter deals with drunken kissing and (perceived) straight women using a LGBTQ+ woman to figure out their sexuality. </p><p>These things hurt, and this chapter is based on my lived experience. Please be kind when reviewing.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>Fuck</em>, V sighed, <em>she’s so fucking pretty</em>.</p><p>“Think the word you’re looking for is hot,” Johnny appeared on the table in front of her, an amused grin across his face.</p><p>“Straight, I think is the more important distinction,” V tried to settle back against the couch without disturbing Panam’s feet in her lap, “my ego hurts.”</p><p>“I don’t blame you for thinkin’ she was coming onto you,” Johnny lit a cigarette and V followed suit, “I would have done the same thing in your position.”</p><p>“Yeah, except you have a dick,” V exhaled the smoke in a lazy cloud, “so she might have gone for it.”</p><p>“I don’t know, V, she seems into you. Why else does she call you every time she needs help?”</p><p>“Because I’m the sucker who always comes,” V gave a wave in Panam’s direction, “can you blame me?”</p><p>“Nope,” Johnny chuckled, “not one bit.”</p><p>“I’m such a fuckin’ idiot,” V put her cigarette out on the bottom of her boot, flicking the butt into the corner of the room.</p><p>“Sweet dreams, V.”</p><p>“Night, Johnny.”</p><p>V pushed her back against the couch. It was awful, more lumps and pulled springs than cushion at this stage, but she wasn’t about to kick Panam off of her lap.</p><p>V studied Panam’s face while she slept, her warm skin, the curve of her bottom lip, her impossibly long eyelashes. It was a shame she would never be interested; V had spent hours wondering what that scar on her lip would taste like.</p><p>***</p><p>V had been alone when she woke up, the cabin empty. V looked around the room, no sign of Panam, the heater off, but still warm as she held her hand to it. They had left recently.</p><p>V opened the front door and found Panam sitting on the front step, “morning.”</p><p>“Hey, sleep alright?”</p><p>“You gotta agree now, next time <em>I</em> choose the motel.”</p><p>Panam laughed, “if there is such a time.”</p><p><em>Noted</em>, V moved to sit beside her.</p><p>“Well, I slept like a puppy, that’s a cozy shoulder you’ve got there.”</p><p><em>Wait, what</em>?</p><p>“Too bad I need to get rolling in a minute.”</p><p>“Come on, Panam, they need you. You know they do.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t expect you to understand, V. You grew up in the city, things were different.”</p><p>“Maybe,” V nudged her with her shoulder, “but I don’t need to be a nomad to spot a family when I see one.”</p><p>“Come on,” Panam led her to the bikes, chatting about Saul and the Raffen, and some upcoming mission.</p><p>V was paying attention, honestly she was, but she was also very distracted by the subtle sway of Panam’s hips as she walked. There was also the fact that Panam was acting like nothing had happened the night before, and that was…something.</p><p>V took the sniper rifle, making a mental note to tuck it back in Panam’s tent the next time she was in camp. It was beautiful, without a doubt, but V wasn’t confident in her ability to use it and it was very clear that Panam was attached.</p><p>“Hey, Panam, about last night.”</p><p>“We don’t need to talk about that,” Panam shot back immediately as she settled on her bike, “I’m just…not like that?”</p><p>“I get it,” V assured her, “I just wanted to say I was sorry. I guess I was just reading into something that wasn’t there.”</p><p>“It’s no problem,” Panam smiled, and V felt immediately at ease, “these things happen.”</p><p>“Well yeah,” V gestured to her, “when you look like you.”</p><p>“Is that your way of telling me that you think I’m pretty?”</p><p>“I think your stunning, if you’re looking for the compliment,” V took a step back so Panam could start the bike.</p><p>“You’re not so bad yourself,” Panam clicked the bike on, the engine roaring to life, “see you, V.”</p><p>“Yeah, see you.”</p><p>V watched her ride away, her heart pounding in her chest.</p><p><em>What the fuck</em>.</p><p>“No kidding,” Johnny appeared beside her, “shoots you down and calls you pretty all in one day. That’s some repressed shit, V.”</p><p>“Maybe,” V walked over to Scorpion’s bike, kicking her leg over it and waving to Mitch before she turned the engine on, “could’ve just been humoring me.”</p><p>“No, that wasn’t humor, she meant it.”</p><p>“Who knows? Let’s head back to NC.”</p><p>“Fuck yeah, let’s go.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Panam,” V greeted as her phone rang, “what’s on fire now?”</p><p>“I’m offended,” Panam’s voice floated through the holo and V sat on her couch so she could enjoy it, “I don’t always call you when something has gone wrong.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“Really,” Panam defended herself.</p><p>“Name one time you’ve called me not to dig your ass out of shit, princess.”</p><p>There was a pause, “now.”</p><p>V chuckled, stretching out on her couch, crossing her feet at the ankle, “well it’s late, so you don’t want me to come out to camp. What can I do for you?”</p><p>“I’m in the city, actually,” Panam scowled, “needed to meet up with Rogue. I was wondering…”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“You have a place, right? You don’t live in your car or something?”</p><p>“No, I don’t live in my car,” V rolled her eyes, “I have an apartment in Watson. Do you need a place to crash?”</p><p>“Would you mind?”</p><p>“Nope, all good. Do you know where Vik’s clinic is? I’m right near there.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Preem, I’ll send you the address.”</p><p>“See you in a half an hour.”</p><p>“Can’t wait,” V hung up the call, looking around the mess of her apartment, “<em>fuck</em>.”</p><p>“Get to it,” Johnny commented from the bed, “if you want her in the bed you need to get this place clean.”</p><p>“I know,” V stood, grabbing empty bottles and containers and shoving them under her arm, “I can’t even remember the last time I had a girl over.”</p><p>“Too long, judging by how much use that vibrator of yours gets.”</p><p>“Hey, leave Lola out of this, she’s perfect.”</p><p>“You named your fuckin’ toy, V?”</p><p>“What can I say, we’ve got a connection.”</p><p>***</p><p>“I brought beer,” Panam sang as V opened the door, “as a thank you.”</p><p>“You didn’t need to do that,” V took the case of beer anyway, “you’re welcome to crash here when you’re in town.”</p><p>“I’m going to remember that.”</p><p>“See that you do,” V stepped aside, “come on in.”</p><p>“Oh, wow,” Panam walked in cautiously, “bigger than I thought.”</p><p>“What, you think all city kids live in tiny little shoeboxes stacked on top of each other?” V joked as she walked toward the couch, “come on, princess, give me more credit than that.”</p><p>“She says as if he rent isn’t late.”</p><p>V ignored Johnny, setting the beer on the coffee table and kicking her feet up, “come, take a load off.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Panam sat next to her, despite the large size of the couch.</p><p>“So what brought you to town?”</p><p>Panam’s face immediately soured, “Rogue.”</p><p>“Want to tell me about it?”</p><p>“Beer first.”</p><p>***</p><p>Panam was tipsy steadily headed toward drunk. Her feud with Rogue had tipped her over the edge, five beers in and she was still ranting about it.</p><p>V was <em>sure</em> it had been important, but all she could focus on was the way that one of her dreads had slipped free from the ornate style Panam always wore them in. Every time Panam gestured, or moved, it would swing and hit her in the side of the face. After the fifth time, V decided to act.</p><p>“Hold that thought,” V reached for the loc of hair, carefully feeding it back into the bun at the top of Panam’s head, “there, sorry. Keep going.”</p><p>Panam was flushed, only slightly, and it was difficult to tell with the tan of her skin, but V caught it.</p><p>“I seem to have forgotten what I was saying,” Panam chuckled, “doesn’t matter anyway. What’s new with you?”</p><p><em>I have a terrorist in my head</em>, V thought to herself, <em>that I don’t know if I can tell you about</em>.</p><p>“Not much,” V answered instead, “working a lot.”</p><p>“Ah, yes, V the superhero of Watson.”</p><p>“Hardly. I just like to help when I can. Same reason I come running whenever you call me.”</p><p>“Is that the <em>only</em> reason you come running?”</p><p>“Checkmate,” Johnny appeared just beside Panam.</p><p>“That,” V conceded, “and you’re beautiful and funny, and I like watching the stupid shit that you get yourself swept up in.”</p><p>Panam laughed softly, reaching up to undo the collar of her jacket to pull it off. V turned away, giving her some privacy.</p><p>“You can look at me, V. It’s just a jacket.”</p><p>“You underestimate just how badly I want to look at you.”</p><p>“So look.”</p><p>V turned back, admired Panam’s shoulders, the warmth of her skin, her elegant neck. Panam shifted closer, a tentative hand touching V’s leg.</p><p>“Panam?”</p><p>“I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching,” Panam leaned into her space, and V could feel the curve of her breast against the side of her arm, “do you want me, V?”</p><p>“Yes,” V whispered honestly, “of course I do.”</p><p>Panam’s hand cupped her cheek, and V forced herself to keep her breathing even as Panam encouraged her to turn her face. Panam was <em>stunning</em>, and looking at the deep brown of her eyes, the subtle scar on her lip, did nothing to quell her want of the woman.</p><p>Their first kiss was tentative, nothing more than a slight brush of their lips together. Something V could have pushed off into the back of her mind as an accident. That was until Panam did it again, more deliberate this time, slotting their lips together and kissing her earnestly.</p><p>It turned out that Panam’s scar tasted like beer, and something else, warmer, whiskey.</p><p><em>She’s drunk</em>.</p><p>“Stop,” V pushed her away, standing up walking toward the bed, “Christ, Panam. Stop.”</p><p>“I thought you wanted me?”</p><p>“I do,” V defended, “you’re <em>drunk</em>, Panam. You were drinking before you got here, and you’ve had like five beers since you arrived. What kind of person do you think I am that I would take advantage of that? It doesn’t matter how badly I want you. We’re friends and I’m not a shitty person.”</p><p>“I never said you were a shitty person,” Panam stood and crossed her arms over her chest, “I don’t kiss shitty people.”</p><p>“You don’t kiss <em>women</em>, Panam. You said it yourself, <em>I’m not like that</em>. It doesn’t change with a snap of your fingers, princess. You’re only touching me now because you’re wasted.”</p><p>“I’m not <em>wasted</em>,” Panam shot back, “I’m fine.”</p><p>“You’re literally swaying where you stand.”</p><p>“No, I’m not.”</p><p>“Yeah? Walk in a straight line to me.”</p><p>Panam tried, she did. V watched her jaw set as she tried to navigate around the coffee table and up the steps to V. She winced as her hip caught the edge of the couch, and she stumbled forward as her toe caught the top of the step, only avoiding landing face-first into the floor thanks to V’s reflexes.</p><p>“I don’t feel well.”</p><p>V watched Panam’s intoxication settle over her, a sweat across her brow, her skin paling.</p><p>“Come on, princess, the bathroom’s this way. You need some water.”</p><p>***</p><p>Panam had spent a solid hour throwing up, V holding her hair back as any good friend would. Eventually, thanks to some expired meds V had found on her counter, her stomach had settled.</p><p>V had tucked Panam into her bed with a bucket on the floor near her face and stretched out on the couch to keep an eye on her.</p><p>“Good woman,” Johnny glitched in by V’s head, “never fuck them drunk or high. You gotta have principles.”</p><p>“Could you imagine?” V sighed, “she woke up in bed next to me tomorrow? You have any idea how much she would have hated me?”</p><p>“Yep, friendship over.”</p><p>“Exactly,” V glanced up to Johnny, “still think she’s repressed?”</p><p>“Oh fuck yeah. Either that or she’s just figuring it out.”</p><p>“That’s the fuckin’ worst though,” V lit a cigarette, “because you watch them <em>try</em> to fall in love with you. Sometimes they manage it, sometimes they don’t, either way, they use you as a steppingstone and move on their way. It hurts.”</p><p>“Sounds rough.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t recommend it,” V agreed, “and with everything else that I’ve got going on, I’m not going through it. I don’t need to fall in love with someone who can’t fall in love with me.”</p><p>“You don’t need to, no,” Johnny’s hand found her hair, stroking it in a weird sensation of static, “don’t think you have much of a choice, though. Remember, I’m in your head.”</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>***</p><p>V woke up hours before Panam did.</p><p>She busied herself with answering text messages, cleaning her guns, and generally making herself so busy that she wasn’t constantly fighting the urge to look at the beautiful woman sprawled out across her bed.</p><p>V wondered, with a faint sense of panic, what Panam would remember from the night before. If there was a chance that her liquor-fueled mind would flip the events and if she would be the one to blame.</p><p>“Stop stressin’,” Johnny chided her, “you know you did what was right.”</p><p>“I know I did,” V shifted uncomfortably in her seat, “does she?”</p><p>“Wake her up, ask her.”</p><p>V’s phone rang, Saul’s name appearing across the screen and disturbing Panam’s sleep.</p><p>“V.”</p><p>“Hey, V,” Saul’s voice was warm and friendly, it put her mind at ease, “I know NC is big and all, but you don’t happen to know where Panam is, do you?”</p><p>“Sound asleep at my place,” V kept her voice down, “I think she was half-drunk when she arrived, had more to drink when she got here. I didn’t want to send her home like that so I let her crash on my bed while I took the couch.”</p><p>V wasn’t sure why it was so important to her that Saul knew that, but she felt better for saying it.</p><p>“Our Panam,” Saul laughed through the holo, “she can’t handle her booze. One or two beers and she’s done.”</p><p>“She had five here, and more before that.”</p><p>“Oh, she’s going to be hurting. Can you ask her to call me when she’s up?”</p><p>“Sure, she’s stirring now so give her some time to puke and she’ll be all yours.”</p><p>“Thanks, V.”</p><p>“No problem.”</p><p>“I’m not gonna puke,” Panam grumbled from the bed, “puked enough last night.”</p><p>“You sure did,” V ordered a bottle of water from the vending machine, walking over to the bed to hand it to her, “how are you feeling?”</p><p>“Like someone tried to rip out my insides,” Panam pushed herself to sit, “damn, I’m sorry V, I didn’t mean to come over just to give you a night of babysitting.”</p><p>“No problem. You aren’t the first friend I’ve done that for. Saul’s looking for you.”</p><p>“Big surprise,” Panam took the bottle of water, drinking it cautiously as she gauged her stomach’s rebellion.</p><p>“I need to get going soon,” V kept her voice low, “I’ve got a bunch of Fixers looking for work from me. I don’t want to miss the contracts.”</p><p>“Can I have like ten minutes?”</p><p>“You can stay as long as you want. The door will lock behind you when you go. I just didn’t want to delta and have you wonder where I had gone. Especially after last night.”</p><p>“Because I was drunk?”</p><p>“No,” V studied her face, “because you kissed me.”</p><p>“I…kissed you?”</p><p>“You don’t remember?”</p><p>“Uh, hang on,” Panam closed her eyes as she tried to take her mind back to the night before, “I came over, I had a bunch of beer, I was ranting about Rogue…”</p><p>“You took off your jacket, made fun of me looking the other way…”</p><p>“I asked if you wanted to look at me,” Panam picked up on her train of thought, “oh shit, then I kissed you.”</p><p>“Do you remember what happened next?”</p><p>“You pushed me away,” Panam’s eyes fell to her hands, suddenly studying her fingernail with rapt focus, “I’m not sure why.”</p><p>“Because you were drunk,” V offered, “and I’m not like that. Just like you don’t like girls.”</p><p>“I <em>might</em> like girls,” Panam admitted sheepishly, “I don’t know.”</p><p>“And that’s totally cool, once you figure it out, let me know.”</p><p>“Why can’t I figure it out with you?”</p><p>“Because I’m not a science experiment, Panam,” V’s voice was hard, and Panam glanced up with a startled expression as she spoke, “I’m not the girl you get to take off the shelf, kiss her when you’re drunk, <em>don’t worry it’s cute</em>, kind of girl.”</p><p>“I didn’t mean—”</p><p>“Look,” V sighed, running her hands through her hair in frustration, “I’m not trying to be mean, princess. Keep in mind that if you suddenly decide that you <em>don’t like chicks</em> halfway through kissing me, or a week into a relationship. I’m the one that’s going to deal with that emotional fallout, right? I’m the one with the broken heart, I’m the one that loses a friend.”</p><p>“I know, but—”</p><p>“It’s fine if you only like guys. Honestly. It’s <em>not</em> fine to use me as a pawn to figure that part of your life out. We’re friends, so I’m going to ask you once to <em>please</em> not put me through that shit. I’ve got enough garbage going on in my life right now, I don’t need to fall in love with someone I can’t have.”</p><p>“Why don’t you tell me?” Panam asked, sitting closer to V, “what’s going on? I call you whenever I have a problem.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s just the thing,” V stood, the proximity to Panam wearing on her resolve, “<em>you</em> call <em>me</em> when you need something. Then I come and fix whatever the issue is. Then I leave. That’s the relationship we have, it’s the relationship we’ve always had.”</p><p>“V, come on, that’s not fair.”</p><p>“Am I wrong?” V prompted as she grabbed her gun, stuffing it in her belt, “the car, the merch, the Raffen, Saul. Even last night, you were drunk and you needed a place to crash. That’s fine, Panam. I’m happy to be that support for you. I’m <em>not</em> happy to be the chick you use to figure out your sexuality.”</p><p>“That’s not why I came last night.”</p><p>“So why did you?” V pulled on her jacket, glancing at Panam who seemed to be steadily realizing that she had made a mistake last night, “with beer, of all things. You came out here to get drunk, fuck me, and see if you hated yourself in the morning. In all that planning you never once stopped to consider the person stuck in the crossfire. <em>Me</em>. I’m not fucking you when you’re drunk, princess. If you want to fuck me, you best be stone-cold sober and willing. I won’t accept anything else.”</p><p>Panam didn’t say anything, her focus back on her hands.</p><p>“I’m going to go,” V was running out of patience, “the door will lock when you leave. Call Saul. I’ll talk to you later.”</p><p>V stepped out into the hallway, taking the stairs to the elevator in a half-jog to try and get some distance from her apartment.</p><p>“You done good, kid,” Johnny leaned against the elevator door, “now she gets it, you set boundaries, that’s healthy.”</p><p>“Don’t pretend you know a single fuckin’ thing about healthy boundaries, Johnny.”</p><p>“Course I don’t, if that were me I would be asking her if she wanted a kiss now that she’s sober. Kerry used to talk about boundaries a lot though, and it seemed a lot like what just happened back there.”</p><p>“Did he ever tell you the important thing about them?”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>“They only work if the other person respects them.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Further hate comments received on this work based on the sexuality of the characters within will result in public mockery for lack of creativity. </p><p>Honestly, if you're going to insult someone within the LGBTQ+ community for writing issues to do with the LGBTQ+ community, at least come up with something more creative than the f-slur, okay?</p><p>With that - on to chapter 2.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V didn’t hear from Panam for days. She hadn’t expected to, not really. Sometimes this was the way these things worked. No apology, no messages, just a perfectly clean apartment to come home to and a freshly made bed.</p><p>“Still bugs you, though.”</p><p>“Being a science experiment always bugs me,” V leaned into the corner as she rode out toward the Badlands, the Arch roaring under her as she went for a ride to clear her head, “Arasaka, now Panam.”</p><p>Johnny wrapped his arms around her waist, a feeling of static as he did, “running away?”</p><p>“Not away,” V disagreed, “just…running.”</p><p>“I get it, I used to do that too.”</p><p>When V’s phone rang, she was surprised to see Mitch’s name in the call ID, she considered her options for a moment before she answered. She didn’t want to speak to any of the Aldecaldos, but Mitch was a nice guy, and she wasn’t going to leave him hanging.</p><p>“V.”</p><p>“Hey, kiddo,” Mitch’s voice was warm and reassuring, “you got a second?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Did you and Panam have a fallin’ out or something? I know it’s not my business, but she’s been moping around the camp all week.”</p><p>“Of a sort, yeah.”</p><p>“Shit,” Mitch groaned, “I was just guessin’. I’m sorry, V.”</p><p>“S’okay, not your fault.”</p><p>“Is it somethin’ that can be fixed?” Mitch’s face was etched with concern, “or is a done deal?”</p><p>“Why do you ask? Did Panam tell you to check-in?”</p><p>“No,” Mitch assured her, “but I heard her whispering to Carol about you, and she seemed awful upset. I thought…you know…I’m one of her oldest friends.”</p><p>“You’re fuckin’ adorable, Mitch,” V smiled for what felt like the first time in days, “she owes me an apology, but I still want to be her friend. I just haven’t heard from her, is all.”</p><p>“Fuck,” Mitch groaned, “it’s not you, V. Panam’s never been good about apologizing when she should.”</p><p>“Well, it’s in her hands now. I have nothing to say sorry for.”</p><p>“Can I ask what happened?”</p><p>V was tempted to tell him, “I would, but I think it’s something you should ask her.”</p><p>“Alright. Hey, look, I’ll talk to her. We’ve got a barbecue in a few hours; think I could convince you to come up? Maybe you two could talk, put things right.”</p><p>“Why is this so important to you, Mitch? You barely know me.”</p><p>“Maybe not,” Mitch agreed, “but I like you, and I think you’re good for Panam. Come on, V. Please? If she acts like a bitch, I’ll help you out with her. Saul and I would like to see you, too.”</p><p>“Yeah,” V felt her resolve slip before Mitch even finished his sentence, “sure, I’ll be there.”</p><p>“Preem, see you soon.”</p><p>***</p><p>V took the long way to the Aldecaldos camp, giving Mitch enough time to talk to Panam and taking the time to decide what she was going to say to Panam when she saw her.</p><p>V pulled her bike beside Mitch’s car, parking it and taking a steadying breath before she made her way into the camp.</p><p>The party had already started, music coming from speakers throughout the camp, a small selection of nomads dancing. V spotted Mitch at the edge of the circle of people milling around the barbecue, giving a nod in greeting. A quick scan of the crowd didn’t reveal Panam, so V walked over to Mitch.</p><p>“Glad you could make it,” Mitch immediately wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and V grinned at the familiarity of it.</p><p>“Hey,” V unzipped her leather jacket, letting out a soft breath of relief as the cooling night air of the Badlands soothed her warm skin, “what are we celebrating, anyway?”</p><p>“Saul’s birthday,” Mitch directed her away with a gentle grip on her shoulders, pulling her just far enough away from the group that they could speak in private, not so far away they looked like they were hiding something, “she kissed you, huh?”</p><p>“I’m surprised she told you,” V pulled off her jacket and tossed it on one of the tables, brushing her hair from her eyes.</p><p>“She’s torn up about it.”</p><p>“All she needs to do is say sorry,” V shrugged and leaned against the table, “and then we’d be good. She’s beautiful, Mitch. Being kissed by her isn’t a punishment, being used by her is.”</p><p>“Yeah, I explained that to her.”</p><p>V smiled and shook her head, “I’ve known I’m a lesbian since I was like <em>five</em> and let me tell you women don’t make sense to me, at all.”</p><p>“Well shit, V. If you can’t figure it out how the hell am I supposed to?”</p><p>***</p><p>After an hour of chatting with Mitch V decided that she really liked him. It had been a while since she had such an easy casual conversation with anyone. For once, it didn’t bring the familiar ache in her chest that came from missing Jackie.</p><p>Mitch had brought over some beers, offering her a tent for the night, and pushing one of the drinks into her hand not accepting any argument.</p><p>“So where is Panam anyway?” V looked over the camp, “did you tell her that I was coming, and she hid?”</p><p>“Yep, hiding with Saul I think. He was pretty pissed she had fucked up things with you. Saul values assets, having a city kid as a friend for the Aldecaldos was important to him.”</p><p>“Ah shit,” V took a sip of her beer, “I’m still a friend of the Aldecaldos.”</p><p>“I’m glad to hear it,” Saul’s voice came from behind them, and V glanced over her shoulder with a grin.</p><p>She felt it fade as soon as her eyes landed on Panam’s face and watched the resulting wince across Panam’s face.</p><p>“Happy birthday, old man,” V stood and pulled Saul into a hug, “you’re what, fifty?”</p><p>“Ouch,” Saul laughed, keeping his hand on her lower back, “I’m glad to see you, Sister. We’ve missed you around these parts.”</p><p>“Yeah?” V’s eyes met Panam’s, “need something stolen?”</p><p>Saul shook his head, “we just like having you around, is all.”</p><p>“Well, I couldn’t miss your birthday, could I?” V rolled up on her toes to kiss Saul’s cheek.</p><p>A bright flush crossed Saul’s cheeks and V heard Mitch laugh over her shoulder.</p><p>“I love you, Saul, but you’re missing some pretty essential equipment to get me in bed,” V pat Saul’s flat chest, “and you’ve got some extra shit that I wouldn’t know how to work with.”</p><p>Saul cupped his pecs in jest, “you wound me, V.”</p><p>V copied his movements, grabbing a handful of Saul’s chest over his shirt, “actually, now that you mention it…”</p><p>“Oh fuck off,” Saul knocked her hand away with a snort, “come on, let me feed you.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>V turned at the soft sound of Panam’s voice. She had been at the camp for nearly three hours for Panam to get the courage to even greet her.</p><p>“Hey,” V had to fight the urge to cross her arms over her chest, she would feel more comfortable with a barrier between them.</p><p>“Can I talk to you for a second?”</p><p>“Sure,” V gestured for Panam to lead the way and followed closely behind her as she led them away from the party.</p><p>Panam kept walking, past the tents and toward the small area that had been dedicated to parking. Once she was level with her car, she leaned against it and took a deep breath.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>V counted the seconds, pulling her cigarettes from her pocket and lighting one while Panam thought through what she was going to say.</p><p>Just as V was about to break the silence, Panam spoke.</p><p>“How did you know?”</p><p>“Know what?”</p><p>“That you liked women.”</p><p>“How did you know you liked men?” V shrugged, “sky is blue, Arasaka is corrupt, I like women. It’s just that simple, Princess. It is because it always has been.”</p><p>“Has there ever been an exception to the rule, a man that you would consider?”</p><p>This was pretty far off from the apology that V had been hoping for, but V indulged her, “nothing I ever acted on, but some men that caught my eye. It was more like a flash of attraction, rather than feelings. I’m gay, not blind. I can appreciate a beautiful man.”</p><p>Panam sighed, “why is it so complicated?”</p><p>“You’ve lost me, Princess.”</p><p>“Figuring this shit out,” Panam waved between them, “I’ve <em>never</em> wanted a woman before. Why the fuck can’t I get <em>you</em> out of my mind?”</p><p>“You know, I sort of assumed you were just going to apologize, we’d hug and call it good,” V took a drag of her cigarette.</p><p>“I’m sorry, V,” Panam reached for her and V let her touch the bare skin of her arm, “I shouldn’t have done what I did. I’m still…confused…but I shouldn’t have abused your generosity to figure it out.”</p><p>“Was that so hard?” V smiled.</p><p>“Forgive me?”</p><p>“Of course I do, Princess.”</p><p>“Can I get that hug you were talking about?”</p><p>V flicked her cigarette away and pulled Panam into her arms. V closed her eyes as the relief of having her friend back washed over her. Panam’s hands were tight fists against her lower back, her face against V’s neck. She was tense, and V could feel how rigid she was holding herself.</p><p>“Look,” V said as she pulled away, “I can tell you this much. Sometimes attraction is just sex, sometimes it’s something more. There isn’t a <em>right</em> way of experiencing attraction. You could be bi with a strong preference for men, that’s cool. You might just think I’m hot and want to fuck in the back of your car, that’s cool, too.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“But,” V continued, “I’m bad at sex without feelings, and if I fuck you in the back of that car, I’m going to fall in love with you.”</p><p>“Don’t suppose there’s a <em>kissing V</em> BD out there somewhere?”</p><p>V laughed, “afraid not. Could probably have one made, but if I kissed the BD editor I know she might fall in love with <em>me</em>.”</p><p>“How am I supposed to figure this shit out?” Panam sighed and rubbed the back of her hand against her forehead, “without hurting you in the process?”</p><p>“Take some time,” V suggested, “think about it. Once you know, come and talk to me. <em>Sober</em>.”</p><p>“Thanks for being so cool about this.”</p><p>“Not my first rodeo,” V offered Panam her hand, “we should head back to the party before Mitch loses the rest of his hair with worry.”</p><p>“Yeah, that would be unfortunate,” Panam took her hand, holding it tightly, “lead the way.”</p><p>***</p><p>Mitch and Saul looked equally relieved as V and Panam returned to camp hand in hand. V guided her back to the table they had been sitting at, dropping into her chair and tugging Panam into her lap.</p><p>Mitch kept his face passive, Saul’s eyebrows shot toward his hairline.</p><p>“You guys good?”</p><p>“No, I just let any pretty girl sit in my lap,” V rolled her eyes, “yeah, we’re good.”</p><p>Panam tentatively wrapped her arm around V’s shoulder, shifting closer to lean her weight against V. V spread her legs slightly, taking Panam’s weight as she held her securely with a hand on her hip.</p><p>“Right,” Saul nodded, “that’s that. Whatever the fuck <em>that</em> is.”</p><p>***</p><p>Panam had eventually moved to the chair next to V as some of the younger members of the clan went to bed. V noticed her shiver out of the corner of her eye, continuing her conversation with Mitch as she grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and set it over Panam’s shoulders.</p><p>“I can get you the parts, sure,” V pressed the leather around Panam, “it’s not going to be cheap though. You might be better just getting a parts car from the dump down the road.”</p><p>“Don’t want to drag it around when we move camp.”</p><p>“You can just leave them there, the people who run the dump don’t give a shit. Just buy the car and part it out as you need it.”</p><p>“Don’t know if they have the same model,” Mitch arched one of his eyebrows as he watched Panam try to subtly bury her face against the leather to breathe V in, “might be worth checking.”</p><p>“Tell you what,” V ignored the way Panam hid her face in the leather when Mitch caught her, “I’ll swing by and check on my way home tomorrow.”</p><p>“I’d appreciate that.”</p><p>“You’re staying the night?” Panam asked from under V’s jacket.</p><p>“Mmhmm, Mitch has been filling me full of beer for the better part of five hours. I’m not drunk, but that Arch is twitchy when you’re sober, never mind when you’re not.”</p><p>“I put her in the tent next to yours,” Mitch tried and failed to conceal his smile, “hope that’s okay.”</p><p>“No problem,” Panam squirmed in her seat, “so, V. What have you been up to for the past week?”</p><p>***</p><p>V followed Panam back to the tents, her jacket still over Panam’s shoulders.</p><p>“Guess I’ll see you in the morning,” Panam reluctantly took V’s jacket off, handing it back to her, “we wake up early, so you better be prepared to see the sunrise.”</p><p>“I’m not worried about it,” V smiled, “see you in the morning.”</p><p>“Night, V.”</p><p>V slipped into the tent, zipping the flap closed behind her. It was mostly empty, just a spare single cot and a small trunk to store things in. Clearly this was not meant to be anyone’s home, just a safe haven for whoever needed it.</p><p>V kicked off her boots and her jeans, leaving them on top of the trunk as she dropped onto the cot with a groan. It wasn’t comfortable, hell, it probably had never been comfortable. Still, with age, V could feel every metal bar across her back.</p><p>It was going to be hard for her to sleep, V knew as much from past experiences “camping” as a kid. V needed the sounds of the city, the hum of the traffic. Being one of many made V feel safe, being one in a vast open space made her feel like an ant. Small and vulnerable in a way that she didn’t like.</p><p>Of course, knowing the woman she had been nursing a flame for was only two pieces of canvas away didn’t help, either.</p><p>V closed her eyes and tried to focus on the sound of the crickets, the creaks of old springs in older cots. The sound of the zipper nearby caught her attention, and she forced her awareness outside of the tent in an attempt to determine if someone was walking her way.</p><p>“V?”</p><p>It was Panam’s soft whisper just outside her tent, and V felt her heart race.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Can I come in?”</p><p>“Sure,” V covered her bare legs with the blanket, sitting up as Panam ducked inside.</p><p>She had changed, and instead of her usual bodysuit and leather pants, she was wearing a simple t-shirt and a pair of shorts. V tried not to fixate on how beautiful she looked with her hair down, the long dreads brushing her waist as she walked in.</p><p>“What’s up?”</p><p>“I…” Panam looked like she was on uneven ground now she was in the tent, “I didn’t have a single drink all night.”</p><p>“I know, I noticed. Lemonade all night.”</p><p>Panam cautiously sat on the edge of the cot, “I’m not going to be able to sleep knowing you’re right here.”</p><p>“What, you want to sleep with me?”</p><p>Panam’s eyes found hers in the darkness of the tent, her bottom lip trembling for a minute before she whispered, “I don’t know what I want. I just don’t want to lose you.”</p><p>V shifted back, made room, and lifted the blanket as an invitation. Panam cautiously slid her legs under the sheet, stretching out on her side to face V.</p><p>V tucked them both in, moving some of the rogue dreads from Panam’s face and tucking them over her shoulder.</p><p>“Is that why you keep your hair short?”</p><p>V chuckled, “I keep my hair short because I don’t like washing blood from it. I do the mohawk because I don’t like being hot. It’s a different colour every month because it makes me happy.”</p><p>“I like it,” Panam reached for her, combing her fingers through V’s hair.</p><p>“What are you doing, Panam?”</p><p>“I’m sober,” Panam kept her eyes on her fingers as they brushed V’s hair back, “and I was wondering…hoping…”</p><p>“Spit it out, Princess.”</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>“Why do you want to?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Panam whispered, “but I’m not sure if I’ve ever wanted to do anything more.”</p><p>V considered it, her eyes finding Panam’s lips in the almost pitch-black tent.</p><p>She wasn’t sure if she had ever wanted to do something more, either.</p><p>V leaned in, slowly enough that Panam could change her mind, giving herself a mental pep-talk for what she assumed would be the rejection to follow.</p><p>It was nothing more than a soft press of lips, chaste, similar to their first kiss on the couch. V caught Panam’s gasp with her lips and pulled away.</p><p>“Again,” Panam’s hand was on her lower back, pulling their bodies flush as they kissed again.</p><p>V moaned softly as Panam licked at her lips, wrapping her arm around Panam’s back and rolling them so Panam straddled her. V didn’t want any uncertainty about who was in control, so as soon as Panam was settled over her, she dropped her hands back to the bed.</p><p>“You can touch me,” Panam whispered against V’s lips.</p><p>“No, I can’t,” V chuckled, “I might take things too far.”</p><p>Panam sighed softly, “I <em>want</em> you to touch me.”</p><p>“If you can look me in the eye tomorrow morning,” V whispered back, “I will.”</p><p>Panam groaned but it lacked real heat, “so you put me on top of you why?”</p><p>“So you’re in control.”</p><p>“Does that mean I can keep kissing you?</p><p>“If you want to.”</p><p>Panam did, her lips immediately finding V’s. V’s hands twitched against the sheets with the urge to touch Panam, a frustrated moan falling from her lips.</p><p>Panam took advantage, her tongue slipping between V’s lips. It turned out that Panam tasted of citrus and sugar, something unique and addictive. She was also <em>painfully</em> responsive with soft moans and gasps spilling from her lips as V tilted her head so she could taste her properly.</p><p>Panam reached for her hands, untangling them from the sheets and bringing them to her hips. V squeezed gently, admiring the curve of flesh under her fingertips.</p><p>Panam’s hips flexed under her grip, and V hummed under her breath as Panam whimpered.</p><p>“Easy, Princess,” V broke the kiss to whisper, “we’re not rushing things.”</p><p>“I’m <em>sober</em>,” Panam whined against her lips.</p><p>“I know,” V soothed, “I know you are, and I appreciate that. I still don’t want to rush it.”</p><p>Panam sighed, her shoulders sagging, “you’re not budging on this, are you?”</p><p>“No ma’am,” V indulged herself and slipped her fingers under the back of Panam’s shirt, marvelling in the soft skin she found underneath, the scar on her side from where she was shot.</p><p>“Can I sleep in here with you, at least?”</p><p>“I need to ask you a serious question, first.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Is your bed more comfortable than this torture device?”</p><p>Panam chuckled, “Yeah, come on.”</p><p>***</p><p>Panam had rolled over her side and pulled V up behind her. V had laid awake for hours once Panam had fallen asleep. She counted the freckles across her cheekbones, took inventory of each bead in Panam’s dreads.</p><p>As sleep became more of an insistence than a suggestion, V kissed her shoulder and closed her eyes. A silent prayer under her breath that Panam would be able to face her in the morning.</p><p>***</p><p>V was so exhausted the next morning that Panam woke up before she did. V stirred as Panam started to play with her hair, turning in her half-asleep daze to tuck her face against Panam’s neck.</p><p>Panam laughed under her breath, “you always this cute in the morning.?”</p><p>“Did you know you have fifty-seven dreads?” V mumbled against her skin, “I counted them last night.”</p><p>“I did know that,” Panam stroked over her arm and V’s skin came up in goosebumps.</p><p>“How are you feeling about last night?”</p><p>“Good,” Panam assured her, “you?”</p><p>“Relieved to hear you say that.”</p><p>“What happens now?”</p><p>“Up to you,” V pulled away, sitting up and stretching, “you could let me take you out on a date, we can continue like it was nothing, what do you want?”</p><p>“The date,” Panam answered immediately.</p><p>“Alright,” V smiled as she tried to push her hair back, “a date it is.”</p><p>“Let me help,” Panam sat next to her, brushing the hair back from V’s eyes until it was back under control.</p><p>V smiled softly as she watched Panam focus, her tongue sticking out between her teeth as Panam moved each hair back into place.</p><p>“Hey, Panam?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>V leaned in, catching Panam by surprise as she kissed her.</p><p>Panam smiled against her lips, shifting to sit in V’s lap, “where are you going to take me on our date?”</p><p>“How do you feel about car races?”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>V watched Panam as she scanned the crowd to find her, taking the moment of anonymity to take in just how beautiful Panam was.</p><p>“Who’s the new chick?” Claire asked as she noticed V watching.</p><p>“My date.”</p><p>“You have a girlfriend?” Claire looked at Panam with interest, “a nomad girlfriend?”</p><p>“This is our first date,” V raised her hand and waved to catch Panam’s attention, “I knew we weren’t racing tonight, I thought that it might be fun for her to watch.”</p><p>“She looks out of her element.”</p><p>“Most nomads do in the city,” V sighed, “and when they’re straight trying to figure out if they like chicks.”</p><p>“V,” Claire’s voice held a warning, “careful.”</p><p>“I know, it’s so stupid,” V glanced at Claire, “will you run me out of town when she breaks my heart?”</p><p>“You know I will,” Claire wrapped her arm over V’s shoulders and squeezed, “though if the glare your girlfriend is shooting my way is any hint, she seems pretty serious.”</p><p>“V,” Panam greeted her with a smile, her eyes shooting back and forth between Claire and V, “hope I’m not late.”</p><p>“Just in time,” V assured her, “traffic bad?”</p><p>“More like Saul was talking my ear off,” Panam shrugged one shoulder, “going to introduce me…or?”</p><p>“Sorry,” V shook her head to clear it, distracted by the scar on Panam’s lip, “Panam, this is Claire.”</p><p>“Claire,” Panam’s eyes narrowed, “you work at Afterlife?”</p><p>“That’s right,” Claire’s arm came from around V’s shoulders as she offered her hand to Panam, “and you’re the girl that only ever orders a beer.”</p><p>“Nothing wrong with a classic.”</p><p>“Hey, it makes my life easier.”</p><p>“So how do you two know each other?” Panam asked cautiously.</p><p>“V’s my partner,” Claire answered absently as she watched the cars rolling into position.</p><p>“Her racing partner,” V clarified, “I’m Claire’s driver.”</p><p>“I…see,” Panam looked uneasy, “so are you racing tonight?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” V chuckled, offering Panam her hand to hold, “nice date. <em>Hey, Panam, come watch me get shot</em>.”</p><p>Panam’s grip on her hand was so tight it was almost painful, and V squeezed her fingers gently to try and encourage her to let her go.</p><p>“I need to help at the line,” Claire pat V on the shoulder, “enjoy your date. Nice to meet you, Panam. If you hurt V, I’ll kill you.”</p><p>Claire marched off without waiting for a response.</p><p>“You two are…close?”</p><p>“No,” V let out a snort, “not really. That surprised me, too.”</p><p>“Does she like you or something?”</p><p>“No, I don’t think so,” V guided them through the crowd, “she’s recently widowed. Still seems pretty swept up with her husband.”</p><p>“Where are you taking me?”</p><p>“Up to the top of the buildings, so you can see the entire course. Hey, Panam?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Can you maybe lighten up the grip on my fingers? They’re going numb.”</p><p>***</p><p>“His car is on fire.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“He’s been shot like, five times.”</p><p>“Yep.”</p><p>“You do this for <em>fun</em>?”</p><p>V laughed, “to be fair, we use Claire’s car, and she’s a damn good shot. I’ve only been hit once during a race and it was just my shoulder. Nothing big. Hungry?”</p><p>“Why, are you going to take me to dinner?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah?” V arched her eyebrow at Panam, “it’s a <em>date</em>.”</p><p>“Oh,” Panam smiled, “Yeah, sure.”</p><p>“What did you think we were going to do?”</p><p>“I just assumed we were going back to your place.”</p><p>V must have looked as stunned as she felt because Panam giggled as V looked at her.</p><p>“I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>“I thought,” Panam kept her voice low so the crowd around them couldn’t hear, “that we’d go back to your place.”</p><p>“Is that what you <em>want</em>?”</p><p>“Well, yeah,” Panam shrugged, “that’s why I drove into the city, right? So we could spend some time alone.”</p><p>“You’re going to be the death of me, Panam.”</p><p>***</p><p>V had insisted on dinner, taking Panam to a local noodle shop. It was nice to finally be alone with Panam and not in the line of fire or dealing with surprising intoxication. Johnny had mostly made himself scarce, so if V closed her eyes, she could pretend this was just a normal date.</p><p>They walked together back to V’s apartment, close enough they certainly appeared more than friendly, far enough away it could be mistaken for an accident.</p><p>“Do you date much?”</p><p>“No, not in about a year,” V hit the button for the elevator and waited for it, “I had a serious girlfriend in Atlanta, that’s why I went there.”</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“I fell in love with her,” V stepped into the elevator when it arrived, “and she fell into bed with everyone else.”</p><p>“Oh, shit,” Panam followed after her, leaning against the wall, “how did you find out?”</p><p>“I came home early from a job,” V fought to keep the mental image from her mind, “opened the door to our place and found her in bed with our landlord.”</p><p>“Ouch.”</p><p>“I packed my stuff and left that night. I never spoke to her again. I decided to take some time off from dating, heal a bit.”</p><p>“A year? That’s some healing.”</p><p>“It was a big hurt,” V shrugged one shoulder, “she was about the only person I’ve ever met I could see myself marrying. Once I left, I had all sorts of friends come forward and tell me that she was fucking half the city. It was like walking into that apartment over and over again every time I picked up my phone or answered a message.”</p><p>“Fuck, V. I’m sorry to bring it up.”</p><p>“Old news,” V waved off her concern, “don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Panam followed V from the elevator, through the crowds of people toward her apartment. Panam looked uneasy in the city, like there were too many things to see and not enough time to look at everything.</p><p>V slowed her step, reaching to put a reassuring hand on her lower back, “I know it’s big, but it’s safe for Night City.”</p><p>“Sorry,” Panam didn’t move out of her reach so V kept her hand on Panam’s back, “it’s just…loud.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.”</p><p>V unlocked the door and walked in, trusting that Panam would follow after her. V heard the sigh of relief as the door slid shut and the noise of the city died out to a low hum.</p><p>“I don’t know how you manage with all that noise.”</p><p>“I don’t know how you manage without it,” V kicked off her boots and ordered a drink from the vending machine, “can I get you anything?”’</p><p>“A beer?”</p><p>V chuckled, “only one?”</p><p>“Only one,” Panam confirmed, walking over to the couch and sitting down.</p><p>V grabbed Panam’s drink and joined her, sitting next to her. Panam took the bottle and downed half of the drink in one long pull. V arched her eyebrow as Panam swallowed.</p><p>“Sorry,” Panam put the bottle on the coffee table, “nervous.”</p><p>“We don’t need to do anything, Panam. We could watch a movie, hang out. We haven’t made anything official. If you want to go back to being just friends who kissed once, that’s okay.”</p><p>“No,” Panam shook her head, “nothing like that. I just don’t know how…”</p><p>V waited for Panam to finish, sipping on her drink. Once it became clear that Panam wasn’t about to continue, V prompted her, “how?”</p><p>“I’ve never…with a woman…”</p><p>“Panam, I’m asking this completely seriously. Have you never gotten yourself off?”</p><p>Panam let out a startled laugh, “of course I have.”</p><p>“Then you’ll do just fine,” V smiled, “pretty sure our general anatomy is going to be similar. Besides, I’m not expecting anything. If it happens, cool. If not, that’s fine.”</p><p>“What, really?”</p><p>“More than capable of handling myself if need be, Princess.”</p><p>Panam flushed at the insinuation, “good to know.”</p><p>V turned on the music and relaxed on the couch, hoping that if she seemed calm that Panam would feel more at home.</p><p>“What was Saul talkin’ to you about before you had to leave?”</p><p>Panam sighed, “the idiot.”</p><p>***</p><p>Panam had eventually closed the distance between them, her hand held tightly in V’s as she listened to V talk about the differences between Atlanta and Night City.</p><p>“Fuck, it’s getting late,” V checked the time, “you’re staying, right?”</p><p>“Do you mind?”</p><p>“It’s an invitation,” V stood, “I have a spare toothbrush.”</p><p>“Well, in that case, I’ll stay. I would hate for it to go to waste.”</p><p>***</p><p>V had found Panam a long t-shirt to sleep in, one of Johnny’s she had found during her time exploring NC. Panam had smiled gratefully and slipped into the bathroom to get ready for bed while V changed.</p><p>“V’s going to get <em>laid</em>,” Johnny cheered, “finally.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t get your hopes up, but you never know,” V settled on a cropped tank top and some shorts for bed, just enough skin showing that if Panam was interested, she would be easy to touch. Not so much that V was all that worried about scaring her off.</p><p>Hopefully.</p><p>V pulled back the covers of her bed, sitting on the edge and waiting for Panam to join her. She flipped through her phone, booked a few gigs, and generally tried not to let the nerves get away from her.</p><p>“Do you want to take some of those pills or whatever?” Johnny suggested as he sat on the couch.</p><p>“Can you be quiet?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>“Then just be quiet. I don’t want to feel sick from those pills while I eat her out.”</p><p>“I fuckin’ love you, V.”</p><p>V rolled her eyes, glancing up as the bathroom door opened.</p><p>“And she’s in my <em>shirt</em>,” Johnny chuckled, “V, you’re my best choom.”</p><p>“Hey,” V spoke softly like Panam was prone to startle.</p><p>“Hey,” Panam smiled, walking over to the bed on unsteady legs, “ready for bed?”</p><p>“Yeah,” V crawled up the bed, sitting and watching Panam move to sit beside her.</p><p>As V stretched out on the bed, she turned to face Panam. Panam mirrored her, studying her face.</p><p>“I don’t know what to do,” Panam whispered like a confession, “but I want to do something.”</p><p>V took a deep breath, “more of what we did before?”</p><p>“More than that,” Panam’s voice was low and carried a hint of need, “but I need you to start it.”</p><p>“If you need me to stop…”</p><p>“I’ll tell you.”</p><p>V leaned in, the first kiss tentative and soft. A whisper of an invitation across her lips, a soft lick against her bottom lip.</p><p>Panam opened for her, one of the soft whimpers falling from her lips as V’s tongue brushed hers. It was Panam’s turn to be unsure of what to do with her hands, a tight grip on the sheet between them until V guided Panam’s hand to her waist.</p><p>Panam squeezed just below V’s ribcage but didn’t explore further, a hint of nails against V’s skin pulling a moan from her chest.</p><p>V reached for Panam’s thigh, revelling in the soft skin under her fingers as she pushed Johnny’s shirt up from her thigh to her hip, guiding Panam to wrap her leg over V’s hip. Panam whined as V moved her leg forward, wedging her thigh between Panam’s legs. It was just a hint of pressure, but Panam’s grip on her waist told V that it was pleasurable.</p><p>V didn’t press for more, kissing Panam gently while she stroked Panam’s thigh, her hip, the dip of her waist. Panam’s timidness slipped in inches. A soft moan, a roll of her hips, a whimper, as V kissed her. V waited until the noises falling from Panam’s lips sounded slightly more heated, needier, before she tugged at the bottom of the shirt.</p><p>“Can we take this off?”</p><p>Panam whined with disappointment as V pulled her leg away, trying to pull her back.</p><p>“Let me take off your shirt, Princess,” V rolled Panam onto her back and chased after her, “and we can keep going.”</p><p>Panam helped her pull the shirt over her head, almost tearing it in her haste to have the fabric off. V could do nothing by stare as her warm skin came into view, her mouth falling open.</p><p>“Uh, okay?’”</p><p>“Stupid question,” V answered, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better set of tits in my life and I need to shower them in affection.”</p><p>Panam blushed, a faint flush across her cheeks, “keep going.”</p><p>V kissed Panam again, pushing her legs apart to kneel between them. Panam reached for her, holding her close with her fingers tangled in V’s hair. Panam’s hips rolled up, searching for friction that she would normally find with a partner with a cock.</p><p>“Missing some equipment you need for that,” V whispered in her ear, “tell me if you need me to stop.”</p><p>V kissed Panam’s neck, avoiding the urge to leave a mark just in case Panam didn’t intend on their relationship to be public.</p><p>Panam took a deep breath, turning her chin to give V access to her neck. V trailed her mouth over Panam’s skin, across her collarbones, as she resisted the urge to overwhelm Panam by jumping to her breasts.</p><p>Panam’s fingers tightened in her hair, guiding her head down until she was level with her breasts. V growled as she took one of her nipples into her mouth, sucking until it was a firm bud. Panam’s moans were a soft encouragement for V to kiss across her chest to repeat the attention.</p><p>“V,” Panam’s hips rocked again, “I need…”</p><p>“You don’t need to tell me,” V whispered, “I’m going to keep going, and I’ll tell you what I’m going to do before I do it.”</p><p>Panam’s bottom lip was trapped between her teeth, and she gave a small nod.</p><p>“Easy, Princess,” V moved up her body to free her bottom lip and kiss it gently, “you don’t need to look worried. You know I’m not going to pull out a monster cock to surprise you with.”</p><p>Panam laughed softly, kissing her again, “I know.”</p><p>“Can I undress you?”</p><p>Panam nodded, lifting her hips as V slipped her fingers under the waistband of her underwear. V moved back to pull them down her legs and tossing them off the bed. V felt her mouth water when Panam was finally completely bare for her, the urge to taste her almost overwhelming.</p><p>V moved beside her, guiding Panam’s lips to hers as she kneaded Panam’s breast with gentle fingers. V pinched and teased her nipples until Panam’s hips were stirring against the bed with need.</p><p>V let her fingers move down Panam’s body, tracing a circle around her belly button and stopping just above her mound.</p><p>“Can I keep going?”</p><p>“Yes,” it was a breathless whisper, but Panam spread her legs and kissed her hungrily.</p><p>V was delighted to find her wet, her fingers gliding through Panam’s silken folds and gathering some of her slick.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” V groaned at the feel of it as she found Panam’s clit and brushed over it with a tease of her fingers.</p><p>Panam’s breath caught, and a soft laugh fell from her lips.</p><p>“What?” V asked as she made her touches more deliberate, circling Panam’s clit with her middle and index finger.</p><p>“Never been with someone who found it that easily,” Panam’s eyes screwed shut, her hips pressing up into her hand.</p><p>“That’s because you’ve been with men,” V chuckled, “and I have all the same parts as you in all the same places.”</p><p>“Stop talking,” Panam moaned, “and kiss me.”</p><p>V did, letting Panam’s urgency with her lips guide her teasing between Panam’s legs. When Panam kissed her softly it was nothing more than a teasing brush, when Panam bit at her lips V would change to tight firm circles. Panam fell into sync with her instantly, and V wondered just how long she had wanted to try this.</p><p>Panam pulled away with short gasping moans as the pleasure built, pleading whispers of <em>don’t stop</em> under her breath.</p><p>It was easy to push her over the edge, whispering how beautiful Panam was against her neck as her back arched and she trembled.</p><p>Panam looked <em>astounded</em> as she came back to herself, looking at V with bright eyes and flushed cheeks.</p><p>“Again?”</p><p>“What, seriously?” Panam’s eyes widened.</p><p>“No downtime with fingers,” V kissed her cheek, “and if you thought that was good, I’d like to see what else I can do.”</p><p>Panam nodded, twitching as V changed her approach. V pressed her middle finger inside of Panam with a gentle curl, her thumb pressing against Panam’s clit.</p><p>“<em>Oh shit</em>,” Panam’s eyes snapped shut.</p><p>V ducked her head to take Panam’s nipple in her mouth, her sucking gently as V rocked her hand, pressing against Panam’s g-spot while her thumb strummed over her clit.</p><p>Panam was louder like this, her hand gripping V’s hair in a tight grip. V changed from one finger to two, keeping a hard pressure against Panam’s front wall as her thumb teased Panam’s clit. Her hand was soaking now, Panam leaving an impressive wet spot on the bed as her moans grew more urgent.</p><p>It was the brush of V’s teeth over her nipple that had her peak, V moaning as Panam pulsed around her fingers. V was careful to pull away before it became overwhelming, kissing her cheek and pulling the blanket over her before she got cold.</p><p>“Damn,” Panam breathed as she drifted in the afterglow, “I’ve been missing out.”</p><p>V laughed, “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”</p><p>Panam seemed to suddenly realize that V was still dressed, a faintly frantic look across her face, “what about—”</p><p>“Don’t worry about me,” V assured, “honestly. Just give me one second, I need to pee.”</p><p>V slipped from the bed, shutting the door behind her and immediately shoving her hand into her shorts.</p><p>Johnny was beside her in an instant, leaning against the wall beside her as she rubbed her clit with urgency. She didn’t have long before Panam grew suspicious, but she wasn’t going to be able to sleep with this level of sexual frustration coursing through her.</p><p>“Almost,” Johnny muttered as if V didn’t already feel the pleasure growing.</p><p>V’s mind wandered to Panam’s face, the curve of her hip, the way she was so slick for her.</p><p>V muffled her pleasure against her arm as she leaned against the wall, Johnny’s groan of relief so loud that V was fiercely glad Panam couldn’t hear it.</p><p>V pressed her forehead to the cool tile, opening her eyes to look at Johnny who already had a cigarette between his lips.</p><p>“Not bad for an introduction, V.”</p><p>“Mmhmm,” V made a point of flushing the toilet before she washed her hands, “didn’t want to scare her off, though.”</p><p>“No, I get it. We got ours in the end, right?”</p><p>“Right,” V smiled at Johnny, “now I need one of those and I’m ready to crash.”</p><p>“Cigarette and bed is always a good plan.”</p><p>V wet her hands, trying to fix her mohawk as she walked from the bathroom. Panam was pulling the shirt back over her head, freezing as V came into view.</p><p>“Alright, Princess?”</p><p>“I feel bad leaving you hanging,” Panam blushed, “I feel like I should do something.”</p><p>“Do you want to do something, or is it a sense of bullshit obligation? I’m totally happy to wait until it isn’t after midnight on the night of our first date,” V grabbed a cigarette and lit it, “besides, I’ve been waiting to touch you since I saw you bent over that car when we first met. Having the chance to kiss that scar on your lip and hearing you moan was just as good as you touching me.”</p><p>Panam gave her a shy smile, “you won’t be mad if I wait?”</p><p>“I promise I won’t be mad if you want to wait.”</p><p>“Thanks, V.”</p><p>“Buy me a coffee in the morning and we’ll call it even.”</p><p>Panam laughed, “I can do that.”</p><p>V looked out the window as she finished her cigarette, her pussy still tingling from her quick indulgence in the bathroom. Johnny stood just to her right, a digital hand on her shoulder with the sort of comradery that V loved.</p><p>Panam stood to her left, taking her hand and squeezing affectionately.</p><p>It was unconventional, maybe, their relationship. It sounded like a starting of a bad joke; a Rockstar, a nomad, and a city kid walked into a bar.</p><p>V took a deep drag, letting the smoke out in a slow lazy cloud as she said a small prayer hoping that she wouldn’t end up being the punchline.  </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Panam had found countless excuses to come into the city. Supplies, jobs, connections, but they all ended up the same way, Panam in V’s bed.</p><p>Panam <em>glowed</em> after an orgasm, her tanned skin flushed and bright. V kissed her cheek, her neck, before she whispered in her ear.</p><p>“Can I try something new?”</p><p>Panam looked nervous but curious, “like?”</p><p>“You’ve been here what, half a dozen times? I’ve never tasted you, and I’d very much like to change that.”</p><p>“Oh,” Panam’s flush deepened, “yeah, sure.”</p><p>V kissed her reassuringly, their tongues brushing together in the tentative dance that they had learned over their nights together. Panam loved kissing, and she pulled V back in for one more before she let V venture down her body.</p><p>V kissed over the scar on her side, pushing her nervous legs apart to settle between them. Panam squirmed as V looked at her, her hips rolling in a restless circle to try and hide from V’s view.</p><p>“Don’t hide,” V kissed her inner thigh, “we’ve got all the same parts, right? You’re beautiful, here and everywhere else.”</p><p>“Stop talking,” Panam pleaded, “start doing.”</p><p>V arched her eyebrow and looked up at Panam’s face with a grin, “Is that an order, Princess?”</p><p>“Yes,” Panam ordered defiantly.</p><p>“Alright.”</p><p>Panam squealed as V’s tongue spread her open, rushing to cover her mouth with the palm of her hand to stifle the noise. V let the desperate moan fall from her lips, pressing the vibrations from it against Panam’s clit as she savoured the faintly metallic taste.</p><p>Panam pushed her hips up, suddenly eager. V wrapped her arms under Panam’s thighs to hold her tight to her mouth.</p><p>It was always a pleasure to have someone responsive in your bed, someone you could read using their moans and soft cries. The way they would pull you close with a firm grip on your hair, push you away when it got too intense. Sex was like music if you thought about it. A series of crescendos and drops, two, or more, people working together to create something beautiful.</p><p>With enough time, familiarity, practice, you could make a masterpiece out of a night with a lover.</p><p>V and Panam weren’t there, yet. Panam still hadn’t explored V’s body, hazard a touch outside of kissing or holding hands, but they had time. As much as it pained her sometimes, she was willing to wait.</p><p>Panam was panting, her fingers in V’s hair, a slight tremble of her thighs under V’s hands. V wished she could see the picture they made together, the contrast of Panam’s warm skin against the cool pale of her own. Panam’s hair spread like snakes across her pillow, V’s bright purple hair trapped in Panam’s fingers. They were from different worlds really, but here in V’s bed, they were making it work.</p><p>“<em>V</em>,” Panam whispered her name, and as V sucked over Panam’s clit she wondered if Panam was begging.</p><p>Panam’s moans were louder now, her grip on V’s hair borderline painful. V doubled her efforts, alternative from sucking on Panam’s clit until it was <em>almost</em> too intense, to gentle flutters of her tongue over her hood. When Panam started to hold her breath in anticipation of her next move, she would dip her tongue lower, pressing it inside of her to get a better taste.</p><p>Each time V came back to that tight bundle of nerves, Panam took another step closer to the edge. V guided her there confidently, determined to make this the best she ever had.</p><p>The sound of V’s name ripping from Panam’s lips was her favourite sound in all of Night City.</p><p>Panam trembled through the force of it, hauling V up her body with her grip in V’s hair. V pulled Panam into her arms, stroking her back gently as she floated back into herself.</p><p>Panam was shy when she pulled away, the soft grin that told V all she needed to know. Panam got hers, but V wasn’t going to be getting anything.</p><p>She tried not to let the sting of rejection linger.</p><p>“You’re…really good.”</p><p>“I’ve had practice,” V kept her voice soft, working hard to keep any signs of tension from it.</p><p>Panam looked at her lips for a moment, and V wondered if she was considering a kiss and thinking better of it as she noticed the way V’s chin glistened with her slick.</p><p>“I can tell.”</p><p>“I’ll be back,” V pat Panam’s bum and pulled away, standing from the bed and heading to the bathroom.</p><p>“Jerkin’ off in the bathroom again?” Johnny asked as the door slid shut.</p><p>“No,” V ran the water to soften her toothbrush, “in too much of a funk.”</p><p>“I get it.”</p><p>“I know you do,” V was grateful she communicated with Johnny in her mind, rather than talking about her toothbrush, “it’s understandable but frustrating. Saul will want her home tomorrow, we can bring out all the fancy vibrators when she leaves.”</p><p>“Preem.”</p><p>Johnny loved all of her various toys, even had favourites.</p><p>V finished brushing her teeth, took a moment to wash her face, and headed back to the bed. Panam was already mostly asleep, her eyes half-lidded as she held her arms out for V to join her.</p><p>V took Panam back into her arms, kissed her forehead, “good night, Panam.”</p><p>“Night, V.”</p><p>***</p><p>“Why do you keep doing that if it hurts?”</p><p>“Doing what?” V asked as she drove toward the Aldecaldos camp.</p><p>“Grinding your teeth.”</p><p>“Because I’m pissed, and I don’t realize I’m doing it.”</p><p>“It hurts.”</p><p>“So you said.”</p><p>“Why are you so mad, anyway?”</p><p>“Because this girl, who can’t figure out if she’s interested in me or just likes to use my tongue to get off, has called me up to bail her out, <em>again</em>. Not to mention, I have <em>no idea</em> if anyone at the camp thinks we’re dating or if she’s keeping that a secret, too. I’m so sexually frustrated that I’ve killed two of my favourite toys in a week, and I know I can’t <em>say anything</em> or I’ll be a cunt.”</p><p>“You’re going to help her with this Militech thing, though?”</p><p>“Of course I am,” V turned toward the camp, “she might not be sure if she’s <em>my</em> girlfriend, but I’m pretty fuckin’ sure she’s mine.”</p><p>***</p><p>V was furious by the time she got home.</p><p>She had helped Panam get the Basilisk and had been promptly sent home once they had returned to camp. It had been a polite dismissal, but a dismissal nonetheless.</p><p>V wasn’t sure why she had let herself for something more, even hoping that Panam might hold her hand in front of Mitch, but any attention she had received had been in private, and fleeting.</p><p>Even Mitch had looked suspicious as they sat together around the fire like he was waiting for something to happen that never did.</p><p>That made the two of them.</p><p>V curled up into her bed with the starting of what was promising to be a remarkable headache. V ignored the call from Panam as it came in, sending it straight to voicemail.</p><p>She did the same with the second call, and the third, before she turned off the ringer to her phone altogether.</p><p>“You don’t want to talk to her?”</p><p>“You’re in my head, Johnny. You know exactly how I’m feeling.”</p><p>“Maybe she wants to apologize?”</p><p>V levelled him with a glare and Johnny held up his hands in innocence.</p><p>“Okay, I get it.”</p><p>“Night, Johnny.”</p><p>“Night, V.”</p><p>***</p><p>V had four voicemails when she woke up, all from Panam. V deleted them without listening to them and started to get ready for the day.</p><p>“You just going to ignore her?”</p><p>“Yeah, until I calm down. I don’t want to say somethin’ I shouldn’t.”</p><p>“She’s going to flip her shit when she gets you.”</p><p>V sighed, she knew Johnny was right.</p><p>V was most of her way to her car when the phone rang, this time, she answered.</p><p>“Where the fuck have you been?” Panam snapped, “I’ve been calling you all night.”</p><p>“Yeah,” V shot back, “I noticed.”</p><p>“So what, you’re ignoring me?”</p><p>“Doesn’t feel very good, does it?”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Panam growled, “I’ve been calling you, how is that ignoring anything?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Panam,” V slammed her car door and leaned against the seat, “why don’t you ask Mitch who spent all of our little heist waiting for you to touch me? On second thought, better not, or I wouldn’t be your dirty little secret. God forbid they knew you let me eat you out every other night.”</p><p>“You said you were fine to wait!” Panam was bordering on furious, and V found herself feeling the same.</p><p>“I <em>am</em>. I’m not fine with being fuckin’ hidden. I’m not <em>shameful</em>, Panam. What we have isn’t <em>wrong</em>. I’m living on borrowed time, and you’re <em>using me</em>.”</p><p>“Borrowed time?”</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>“I’ll talk to you later.” V hung up the call, slamming her hands against the steering wheel.</p><p>“Smooth, V.”</p><p>“Fuck you, Silverhand.”</p><p>***</p><p>V had five more calls by the end of the day, and as she washed the blood from her skin from a hard days work, she tried to decide what to do.</p><p>“Call her back?”</p><p>“And say what?” V asked, “I’m dying, I’m horny, please help me?”</p><p>“Does it hurt?”</p><p>“Every moment with you hurts, Johnny.”</p><p>“Fuck you, V.”</p><p>***</p><p>It was three days later that V finally answered a call from Panam when she felt like she wouldn’t lash out when they spoke.</p><p>“You’re a real bitch,” Panam shouted down the phone, “ignoring me like that.”</p><p>“Mmhmm,” V lit a cigarette and waited for Panam to burn the rage out of her system.</p><p>“You don’t get to just…tell me…you’re got some sort of health problem and then hang up on me.”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>“I told you I was new to this, trying to figure it all out. You need to be patient with me.”</p><p>“I have been,” V pointed out, “in <em>spades</em>.”</p><p> “I’m sorry I’m not ready for sex, but you can’t just <em>push me</em>.”</p><p>“Whoa,” V cut her off, “it wasn’t about sex. It was about you hiding me. It was about you pretending we aren’t anything in front of Mitch. If you’re not ready for sex, that’s fine. Hell, Panam, even if you had let me spend the night instead of sending me home, even the spare fuckin’ tent, would have made me feel like I mattered.”</p><p>Panam sputtered, “you do matter!”</p><p>“Sure I do,” V rolled her eyes, “when you’re horny and you want a tongue to ride.”</p><p>“You think that’s all you are to me?”</p><p>“What else could I be? Your closest friend doesn’t know about us, you don’t let me stay at your place. You’re big at having me over when you need help, but not treating me like a girlfriend.”</p><p>“V,” Panam was pleading, “I’m trying.”</p><p>“Yeah, well,” V took a drag from her cigarette and shrugged, “try harder. Goodnight, Panam.”</p><p>***</p><p>Panam called her back the next morning, her voice soft when she realized that V had woken up when her phone rang.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>“Hey,” V rolled over in her bed so the holo picked up better light for Panam to see her with.</p><p>“I didn’t mean to wake you up.”</p><p>“It’s okay,” V stretched, “what did you need?”</p><p>“The Basilisk is done,” Panam said almost like it was a peace offering, “want to come and give it a test drive?”</p><p>“Today?”</p><p>“If you’re free, I asked Mitch,” Panam cleared her throat, “if he minded if I did the maiden voyage with my girlfriend.”</p><p>V’s eyebrows shot up to her hairline before she could stop them, “you used those words?”</p><p>“I used those words,” Panam blushed, “he made fun of me for hiding it from him, told me that he knew I liked you before <em>I</em> knew I liked you.”</p><p>“I believe it.”</p><p>“Will you come?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ll come.”</p><p>***</p><p>V winced at just how <em>tight</em> the inside of the Basilisk was, her shoulders almost pinched as she jacked in with Panam.</p><p>Still, she could see a lot of benefits to having your systems synced with your partners.</p><p>Kissing Panam when she could feel both sides of it was unbelievable. V reasonably knew that she was feeling her own lips over her nipples as she licked her way across Panam’s chest, but if she closed her eyes, she could pretend it was Panam reciprocating.</p><p>It was nearly impossible to get Panam undressed in such close confines, but they managed, and V had to admit that knowing she was <em>just as good</em> at eating girls out as she had always hoped, was satisfying.</p><p>Still, feeling the sensation second hand was not quite enough to take her over the edge as Panam keened and dropped her head back against the seat.</p><p>V wanted to scream, sob, as her need consumed her. Her clit was throbbing against the seam of her jeans, her underwear soaked.</p><p>“V,” Panam’s voice was needy, “more.”</p><p>V was just about to bring her tongue back to Panam’s core when the call came in about the attack.</p><p>V hated Raffen.</p><p>She hated malfunctions more.</p><p>***</p><p>Panam had taken the news as well as she could have, considering it wasn’t every day you found out that your girlfriend was dying and had Johnny Silverhand in their head.</p><p>She had insisted that V stay in camp, dragging her to her new tent with a firm grip on her hand that wasn’t missed by the Aldecaldos around them.</p><p>V sat on her cot heavily, feeling lightheaded and tired. Panam sat next to her, closer than friendly but distant enough not to overwhelm her.</p><p>“Did you like the Basilisk, at least?”</p><p>V smiled, “yeah, it was fun.”</p><p>“Damn Raffen,” Panam joked, “I’ve never felt anything like it, I wanted more.”</p><p>“I don’t think that was your need,” V took Panam’s hand in hers, “it was mine.”</p><p>“Yours?”</p><p>“You got off,” V pointed out, “I got close, but it wasn’t enough without direct touch.”</p><p>“Fuck, V,” Panam squeezed her fingers, “do you always want me like that?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course I do,” V stretched out on the cot, closing her eyes as she felt the exhaustion wash over her, “why do you think I go to the bathroom every time?”</p><p>“To…wash your hands? Brush your teeth?”</p><p>“Yeah, after I get myself off, so I’m calm enough to hold you while you fall asleep.”</p><p> “I didn’t know…”</p><p>“I didn’t want you to,” V opened one eye to look at Panam, “I didn’t want you to feel guilty.”</p><p>“Why are you telling me now?”</p><p>“Because I’m in so much pain it seems as if my filters are off.”</p><p>“Anything I can do to help?”</p><p>“Just…hold me a bit?” V asked softly, “I know, touch is new, but I could use a hug.”</p><p>Panam laid down with her, pulling V to rest her head on her chest. V tentatively wrapped her arm over Panam’s waist, closing her eyes and letting herself drift back into sleep.</p><p>***</p><p>Panam had insisted on driving her home that night, holding her hand the entire way. Saul and Mitch had been so concerned by V’s fainting spell they hadn’t protested Panam spending another night away from camp.</p><p>Panam hovered as V pulled off her jacket, keeping close enough to catch her if she fainted again.</p><p>“I’m fine, you can stop worrying,” V promised, “I’m just going to grab a shower, a fresh set of clothes, and I’ll be right as rain. These malfunctions happen a lot. I’m used to it. If you want to head back to camp that’s okay.”</p><p>“I’m not leaving you,” Panam argued, “not after all that happened. Shower, that’s fine, but I’m waiting right here.”</p><p> V couldn’t ignore the way her heart gave an affectionate thump at her insistence, “okay, baby. Just give me a few.”</p><p>***</p><p>V felt immensely better once she had a shower and something to eat. Almost normal, if she didn’t linger on the way her head pounded if she moved too quickly.</p><p>Panam had ordered them both dinner but had watched V so closely that she had barely touched her food.</p><p>“Eat, Princess. I’m not going to die while you’re watching me.”</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>“Yeah,” V took another sip of the broth in her bowl, “I promise.”</p><p>V knew that she had reasonably slept for nearly three days, but she was still grateful to get into her bed that night, more so when Panam had pulled her into her arms and rubbed her back until she drifted into an easy sleep.</p><p>***</p><p>V woke up when she felt someone stroking her hair, Panam combing her hair away from her face with a gentle touch.</p><p>“Why are you up so early, Princess?” V mumbled as she tried to bring her brain back online,</p><p>Panam didn’t answer, just hummed affectionately under her breath and continued her gentle caress. V gave into the feeling, closing her eyes again and kissing Panam’s neck.</p><p>Panam kissed her forehead, her cheek, her jaw, and over to her lips. V’s moan was startled, it was rare that Panam initiated the first contact, stranger still for her to lick at V’s lips until she opened for Panam.</p><p>V pushed her onto her back, chasing her with kisses and soft touches. Panam writhed under her attention, helping V pull the clothes from her body.</p><p>Panam wasn’t as shy now, so as V kissed her way down Panam’s body to taste her, Panam spread her legs readily.</p><p>V took her with tongue and fingers, fucking Panam to a quick and powerful climax. Panam clung to her, a pleaded <em>again</em> falling from her lips. V was happy to provide.</p><p>V pulled away after Panam’s second, not wanting to push her into over sensitivity. Panam smiled as she crawled back up the bed, cupping V’s face in her hands.</p><p>“I’ll—”</p><p>“Don’t,” Panam whispered.</p><p>“Don’t?”</p><p>“Leave,” Panam said softly, “you don’t need to hide from me.”</p><p>“Pan, I need to—”</p><p>“I know you do. Just…do it here?’</p><p>It was V’s turn to blush, a sudden flush of heat across her face and between her legs.</p><p>“Please?”</p><p>V pulled away from Panam, keeping her eyes on Panam’s face as she stretched out on her back and made herself comfortable.</p><p>Panam chased her, rolling on her side to watch as V kneaded her breast through her shirt, teasing her nipple into a tight peak she could pinch through her shirt.</p><p>“Can I touch you?” Panam turned V’s face to kiss her, the first time she had done it after V had gone down on her.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>Panam’s first touch across her breast was nothing more than a whisper of fingertips over the swell of flesh. V almost felt like she had imagined it.</p><p>The second was firmer, and V moaned desperately at the contact.</p><p>V slid her hand into her shorts, rubbing two fingertips over her clit as she let her eyes fall closed. She was desperate but having Panam watch her so closely was making V feel strangely vulnerable.</p><p>Panam kissed her again, deepening it with a brush of her tongue. V whimpered against her lips.</p><p>Panam pulled the bottom of V’s shirt up, just enough to slip her hand under the fabric to cup V’s breast properly. V could have cried at the direct touch, her back arching to press her breast firmly into Panam’s hand.</p><p>Panam kissed her passionately, pinching her nipple between two fingers. V pulled away with a desperate moan.</p><p>“<em>Close</em>.”</p><p> Panam moved her attention to the other breast, plucking and teasing her other nipple with far more confidence than she had the first. V held her breath as it built, furrowed her brow, and curled in on herself until she came with a shout.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” V trembled through the force of it, gasping to catch her breath as it dragged on for an eternity.</p><p>“<em>Wow</em>,” Panam kissed her forehead as she relaxed back against the bed, “beautiful.”</p><p>V blushed, “glad you think so.”</p><p>Panam caught V’s wrist as she pulled her hand from her shorts, bringing the still-wet fingers to her lips.</p><p>“Panam…”</p><p>Panam took the fingers into her mouth, a curious tongue brushing over the pads of her fingers. V kissed her as soon as her fingers were free from Panam’s mouth.</p><p>“You have plans today?”</p><p>“No,” Panam met her intensity, biting at her lips.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p> </p>
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